A couple of weeks ago Jake gave his first talk in Sacrament Meeting.  He turned 12 in August, and they always try to get them soon after their 12th birthday.  The bishop called and left a message on the phone for Jake to call him back, but did say he wanted him to speak.  I thought Jake was going to have a panic attack right then.  Dante told him to just get it over with.  Jake said, but I don't know what to do!  I, of course, told him I'd help him write his talk and he'd be just fine, and he's given lots of talks in Primary, so he knows how to give one.  But then of course Taylor came in and said, now Jake this isn't Primary . . . I gave him the stink eye and he finally stopped talking.

His topic was "forgiveness."  We read about forgiveness in "True to the Faith."  This is what it said:

Forgiving Others

In addition to seeking forgiveness for our own sins, we must be willing to forgive others. The Lord said: “Ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his  respasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin. I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men” (D&C 64:9–10). In the everyday circumstances of life, you will surely be wronged by other people—sometimes innocently and sometimes intentionally. It is easy to become bitter or angry or vengeful in such situations, but this is not the Lord’s way.  The Savior counseled, “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). He set the perfect example of forgiveness when He was on the cross. Referring to the Roman soldiers who had crucified Him, He prayed, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34; see footnote c).

 

Pray for strength to forgive those who have wronged you. Abandon feelings of anger, bitterness, or revenge. Look for the good in others rather than focusing on their faults and magnifying their weaknesses. Allow God to be the judge of others’ harmful actions. It may be difficult to let go of hurt feelings, but you can do it with the Lord’s help. You will find that forgiveness can heal terrible wounds, replacing the poison of contention and hatred with the peace and love that only God can give.

 

So Jake and I read through this and started writing his talk.  We got to the part where it says it's easy to be bitter or angry, and he immediately said, yeah, just like in Star Wars when the Sith give into their anger and go to the dark side of the force.  I looked at him, and he said, yeah, I know, I can't say that.  But nope, it was perfect.  We left out a couple of those words, but he said, Just like in Star Wars if they gave into their anger, they would go to the dark side.  And here, if we let go of our anger, we go to the light.  Something like that anyway.  I don't have a copy in front of me so I don't remember exactly.  But it really was perfect.

 

A couple of days later, my friend commented that she had been thinking about Jake's talk and where he said that people don't really even know they've offended you, and we need to let go.  Jesus atoned for our sins, our hurt and all the bad feelings we have, and if we believe in the Atonement, we can let go of all of that hurt.  Jesus didn't say--I think it might be a good idea if you forgive some people, he said it is required of us to forgive all people.

 

I've been thinking about this too. I think part of the reason we need to forgive is so we can be forgiven, but I also think part of it is kind of the "refiner's fire" that we need to go through in order to become the people that Heavenly Father wants us to be.  Forgiving people isn't easy.  It is easy to tell other people they should just let it go, but for us--well heck, we've been wronged!  What is they say?  We want mercy for ourselves, but justice for others.  Things do hurt.  We are easily offended.  I'm certain I've done more than my share of offending, but really, I don't mean that.  Why would I think other people mean to offend me?  And if they do, well that's their problem, right?

 

So as I've been driving (why driving?  probably because I do a lot of it by myself and there's nobody there to talk to me and distract me), thoughts have come to my mind of times in my life when I've been offended.  So weird, because I'm not trying to think of them, but they have just come to me.  Some of these things were truly hurtful, and now I'm bawling just thinking about them again, but really truly, I've stopped and said out loud--just let it go.  I don't want to think of these things again, and I don't want to be hurt.  I want the Atonement to work in my life, and I want to forgive these people--just like I hope others will forgive me.  I can think of three or four specific times in my life when I was truly hurt by something someone else did--and a couple of them were really intentional on their part.  The others, maybe not.  But at the time, it didn't matter.  I'm glad time does heal things, but even though some of that hurt has dissipated, I realized that I still need to actually "forgive" them.

 

So strange, because I haven't thought about these incidents for years--one happened when I was 21--so long ago.  And yesterday, I realized that this has been holding me back from sustaining and listening to an apostle.  How strange is that?  I don't want to go into details, and no, the apostle had absolutely nothing to do with it, but it was one of his relatives.  So somewhere in my crazy thinking, I never really "liked" that apostle.  I think somewhere in my mind, I held a grudge against him.  Wow.  How stupid is that?  But yesterday I heard him speak, and I was so moved by what he said, and the spirit that I felt.  It makes me think that I've truly forgiven the thoughtless act (which it was--just thoughtless on the person's part and probably nothing really even against me--but I was young and pretty dumb), and now I can move on from that.

 

After thinking about some of these things, I have prayed and told Heavenly Father that I don't want them in my life or my memory any more.  I don't want them at all.  I truly want to give them away.  I could actually feel myself breathing a little easier after I said those words.

 

These were all kind of big things, but it makes me think and wonder, how many tiny things do we hold on to?  What a waste of energy.  And as Jake said in his talk, we can't possibly feel the spirit in our lives if we angry or bitter.  That's when we need to let go. 

 

I have a friend who's mantra is "Send light and love and let go!"  That's exactly what we need to do.  Sometimes it really is hard, because as I said before--we want justice.  We seem to want other people to suffer for what they've done, especially when they have wronged us, even in the slightest bit.

 

A missionary companion told me that when she was a teenager and they'd be in a group, she was always paranoid that other people were talking about her.  She evidently mentioned it (more than once) to her mother who said, how arrogant are you to think that people have nothing better to do than to talk about you?  What makes you even think they care that you're here?

 

I think if we could somehow combine those two things--stop worrying what other people are saying and doing (that generally don't even affect us), and then send light and love, and let go! we'd be much better off than when we think we're so important that everyone is concerned with us, and then we hold on to any offense we might feel.

 

I know people who hold on to everything, and they are bitter.  I know there have been times when I have, too.  Even though it's been years and years that I've thought about that incident that happened 31 years ago, I realized when I saw an apostle of the Lord yesterday, that I still held onto it, at least a little bit.  And other things--you aren't even thinking of it, but something will trigger a memory, a conversation, and the hurt is there, all over again.  Let it go!  I don't want to be bitter.  I know I'll be old, but I don't want to a bitter old woman.  I've known some in my life, and they are not pleasant to be around.

 

We will get hurt.  That's inevitable.  And we will sometimes do the hurting, even unintentionally.  Part of being refined is being able to let it go.  Being able to forgive.  Being able to look at that person, and forget about it.  I don't honestly know if the memory will be totally gone, but the hurt will, as well as the desire to remember.  How funny to think that we would actually "desire" to remember, and to be hurt.  But I think somewhere deep down, we do.  Justice.  We still want it.  It reminds me of the scripture that says something like, and they no more desired to do evil.  I always thought that was weird--what?  They desired to do evil?  Do I desire to do evil?  I hope not.  But I know I don't do everything right.  Just ask my kids--they'll tell you.  I think we have to no longer desire to hold a grudge.  No longer desire to obtain justice for ourselves, but mercy for others.  No longer want others to know that we've been wronged.  No longer be a martyr.

 

I don't want anyone to think that I'm now perfect because I've forgiven others, but I think I have let go of some things.  A couple of big things, and it feels great, refreshing, really good.  I still need to work on forgiving stupid little things that happen every day.  Stop being negative, and thinking that others are "out to get me."  Like the driver who doesn't let me in.  Oh big deal!  Someone commented to me one time that she didn't like the clothes that someone else was wearing and thought this woman was "trying to look like a teenager."  I just rolled my eyes, and said, oh big deal.  Well, I did in my head, because I didn't want to offend, but I didn't agree.  So now how do I be totally honest, not hurt someone's feelings, but not be on the negative side?  Okay, now we're delving into other issues.  Forgiveness is a big enough issue.

 

Anyway, I think I need to read more from "True to the Faith."  There's good stuff in there.